O'Neils: Broad Street

In a week when all my lavatorial prejudices were shattered (see MacDonalds: above) I go into an Irish pub on Broad Street on a Friday night. Expecting bllleeeuuurrggh. Instead, I got ooooooooh!:





Black and white tiles do it for me every time. So monochrome but statement-y and retro but modern all at once. Oh, and did I ever mention my deep-seated passion for wood? Lots of my favourite things in one place. I did not expect this.

Only thing that slightly put me off was the weird bin-bag-sink job:



and the fact that 2 very conversational drunk girls fell into the toilets while I was there to do what girls do in toilets; ie pee for about 20 seconds and then talk for about 2 hours. I had to dive into a cubicle and wait until they'd finished blathering on to each other before I could emerge and continue snapping. My poor other half was in the bar and thought I had fallen down the loos, and tried to ring me to see why the hell I'd been gone for so long.. (Of course I couldn't take the call, as a) I was pretending that I wasn't there b) it would have been a bit weird talking on my phone on the loo and c) it would have been even weirder saying "Oh yeah, sorry, I'm just waiting until they go so I can take some more photos ..."

Decor: 7/10
As I say; black and white tiles. Wood. Yay.

Cleanliness: 7/10
Hold on - this is Friday night on Broad Street! Where's the vomit? Where's the make up smudged around the sink? ... Bit of stray loo roll and a weird binbagsink, but otherwise in jolly good nick

Ambience: 7/10
Not bad. Still a little lifeless, but pretty pleasant

Lighting: 8/10
Nice. Makes the tiles look good too.

Stay & Play: 8/10
Well, those 2 certainly did! I wouldn't mind hanging around here for a while. Although Mr H might get cross again if I did ...

Recommendations:
Lose the bin bag in the sink. Do you not know what sinks are for, Mr O'Neil? how are they supposed to function when you stuff a ruddy great bin bag into them? ... Geez ... Other than that, y'know what - this does the job. I wouldn't want to move in, but I certainly wasn't dying to get out.

MacDonald's: New Street

OK, so I would never normally choose to review MacDonald's toilets. I would, in all honesty, rather clean them. With my own tongue. However, in desperate need the other day I popped into this particular one to use its facilities and was most pleasantly surprised. See these sleek specimens:





Yeah there's some wanton loo roll, a random toilet seat in the corner and some weirdo taking pictures, but you've gotta admit - pretty impressive for a MacDs!

Even more impressive, or maybe just a bit odd - it's a fine line - was the unisex wash area:



Sorry about the blurred pic; but it was MacDonalds on the busiest street in Birmingham, at 5 pm. There were lots of people. I was getting in their way AND taking photos - suffice to say I felt a little sheepish; and really didn't want to start explaining what the hell I was doing ...

Decor: 7/10
I'm amazed. This is a MacDonald's. You'd never know.

Cleanliness: 6/10
Stray loo roll, but amazingly clean for a MacDonalds on the busiest street in Brum at rush hour.

Ambience: 5/10
Ummm pfff ... Still MacDonald's innit. Could be so much worse though

Lighting: 7/10
Yep, pretty good. Kinda sleek. Nothing untoward...

Stay & Play: 6/10
I'm sure it happens. And in all fairness there's far worse places to hang around in.

Recommendations:
Keep up the good work! Maybe the unisex washbasins are a little out of place. The only other places I've seen these has been in uber-trendy bars ... Let's not get too ahead of ourselves now, Ronald ..

The Red Lion: Hockley

The Red Lion is The Lord Clifden's baby brother; a small but perfectly formed counterpart. As soon as you walk in, the similarities are obvious - nice decor; little bit funky, but still retaining that sense of cosy old-skool.

The toilets, however, are quite different:





A bit tattier; not quite the sleek, Swedish spa effect of the Clifden. They're also quite ... random, not least in terms of actually finding the damn things. The pub is about 1mm squared, yet I still managed to walk around for about 20 mins before I found them. Silly me, of course I should have known that they were down some unmarked back corridor, under a flight of stairs, past your usual concrete area with with your pile of amps:



next to fire escape and up a little flight of tiled stairs! Just like any other pub, really ...

Decor: 6/10
Like I said, not as sleek or cosy as the Clifden, and still with those horrible white plywood cubicles which remind me of school ... They have made some effort however; which is nice. Note little funky handbasins:




AND the piece de resistance: sparkly sparkly loo seats!



Hurrah for disco rims! They bear absolutely no relation to the rest of the decor whatsoever; but I kinda like the fact that someone's just gone; "What the hell, let's just chuck in a couple of random sparkly disco loo seats in here. Just because." Perhaps they are in some way linked with the big pile of amps in the corridor? Who knows ...

And for some reason I do like steps. Anything which has a couple of steps leading up or down into it goes well with me, for some reason. I like levels. (The more I write this blog, the weirder I realise I am ... )

Cleanliness: 7/10
I can't remember there actually being anything dirty in there, but there's just a bit of an aura of tattiness. Let's put it this way; you wouldn't want to lick the surfaces. Mind you, you probably wouldn't do that anyway ... Unless you're the kind of weirdo that, i dunno, chews their own head, or hangs around toilets taking pictures ...

Ambience: 7/10
Hmmmm ... Funnily enough I kinda like the odd mix of tatty and spangly; gives it a bit of character. Although those nasty white cubicles do feel a bit like I'm back in primary school. Less of a cosy vibe than the actual pub itself, which is disappointing.

Lighting: 6/10
Average. Not amazing, not awful.

Stay & play?: 8/10
Again, kinda tiny. But there is a nice corridor/hallway/thing full of amps to spill out into. It does have character, and it is tucked away from the rest of the pub, so it is out of the way - a good retreat; should you need one.

Recommendations:
This is a teeny place with big rock n roll pretentions: note the Marilyn/Moss irreverant pop art. Note big pile of rock n roll amps. Note disco loo seats. Perhaps they should just go the whole hog and throw in a glitter ball, some free coke to snort off the washbasins and glam rock-playing taps?...