Poppy Red - The Arcadian, Birmingham

It's clearly Arcadian week this week...

Now, Poppy Red is a tricky one.

I kind of like these loos; I like the fact that the basin area feels quite spacious, I like the slightly odd shape, I like the fact that they're down a little corridor (for some reason, this always appeals to me ...) and I like the dark shinyness.

And yet ... there's something just a bit boringly average about them.





Whoops - bit of a wonky loo seat there. Actually, I guess that kind of sums them up - there's some nice shiny sleek lines going on here, but also just something that feels a bit tired. Like a middle-aged ex-clubber that has let themselves go a bit...

Decor: 6/10
Shinyness and slick black tiles on the wall, good. Other decor .. hmm.. feels a bit like it just needs a bit of a sprucing up.

Cleanliness: 7/10
Not bad, for a bar/club. A few stray bits of loo roll, but nothing to worry about. Could be because of the strange excess of antiseptic hand lotion that was going on:



They are also far cleaner than the Gents. And before you ask, I didn't have to go in, in order to know this. I could smell them from the corridor. Stinky boys.

Ambience: 6/10
Not bad. A little lacking in character; despite the overall unique pointy triangle shape.

Lighting: 7/10
Good. Nice halogen glow off some shiny surfaces, but not too bright - too much dazzle gives you that horrible 'light on, end of the night' feeling.

Stay & Play: 6/10
Down a corridor; which is nice. Decent area around the sinks, which is nice. Big mirrors, which is nice. But lacking in ambience and general character.

Recommendations:
I think your basic infrastructure is there for a pretty good loo. Just needs a re-vamp.

The Green Room - The Arcadian, Birmingham

So named, I believe, in reference to all the many stars appearing at the Hippodome opposite, who clearly hang out here before strutting their stuff. Mmmm yeah.

I have to say, if they don't then it's purely down to the state of the toilets:





WHAT, Green Room, are those?! Other than a disgrace.

Actually, that's a bit mean - there are clearly worse toilets in the world. My outrage is more a reflection of my profound disappointment. I love the Green Room. I have had many happy times there, not to mention lovely food and some good vino. A feeling akin to the letdown of The Cross. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Or something. *Sigh* ....

Decor: 4/10
Not awful; but no thought behind this whatsoever. Felt like I was in someone's dad's shed or something. Rub. bish.

Cleanliness: 4/10
Loo roll everywhere. General shoddiness everywhere, in fact. But the most offending item:



Sanitary disposal bin OUTSIDE the damn cubicle?! How the hell does that work? Are we supposed to wander out of the cubicle gaily swinging our used 'sanitary products' in other ladies' faces before depositing them in said bin?! SO WRONG.

Ambience: 5/10
Not as bad as it could be. The dad's shed effect at least makes you feel vaguely at home. Maybe it's just the nice ambience of the bar that somehow manages to seep in.

Lighting: 6/10
Again, not too bad. Bit dark around the mirror as per usual (when will they learn?....)

Stay & Play: 3/10
Sure, if you like hanging around sanitary bins ...

Recommendations:
Well, why not go one further and pop the bins by the actual bar? That would be nice...
Failing that; my recommendations would be: DESTROY. REBUILD.

Seven things you’d never need to know about me

Right - this is NOT about toilets. Just thought I'd better get that one out of the way..

I have been tagged by the fabulous Ms Geary and clearly it is an unpardonable sin to duck out of a tag.

So I shall do my duty and continue the meme ....

1) I was a very odd child. I used to have an alter ego who was a Victorian orphan called Christina Silverwing. Her best friend was Peter. I also used to be obsessed with concentration camps and the French Revolution and used to play games around these involving flinging myself off wardrobes (Escape from Auschwitz) and chopping off plasticine people's heads (Guillotine)

2) I used to have a recurring nightmare about a villain called Kenny the Raisin Face

3) I really like football. I support Liverpool and have met Bruce Grobbelar, John Barnes, Robbie Fowler, David James, Alan Hansen, Kenny Dalgleish and Gordon Strachan. Not all at the same time. I was recently a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding at Anfield. We wore red.

4) I used to be a singer and saxophonist in a band called Jinrai - we were signed to Acid Jazz records and gigged around the UK and Italy. We once did a festival at an ex-Communist rally ground outside of Bologna and were left for about 24 hrs with no means of sustenance apart from a fridge full of Fosters, no transport and no signs of civilisation.

5) As well as toilets, levels and lighting, I have an abiding obsession with the Romans. The first time I went to Rome I couldn't speak for 3 days cos I was so excited. I took lots of pictures of their drain covers, cos they have SPQR on them ..

6) I can fit my entire fist in my mouth

7) I make up comedy mock heroic poems for my friends every now and then for significant occasions (weddings, leaving dos, 30ths etc...)

To continue this meme I hereby call upon jauger, JessGreenwood, katiejaneday, danhandscomb, annacookie & lefrinj ...

Bluu Bar; Summer Row

Bluuu. Bluuuuuuu. Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....

Because, clearly - 'e's just aren't cool enough.

Anyway, this is an interesting place; where they have a spectacularly enormous cocktail menu; where there are lots of scantily-clad, red-lipped, curvaceous ladies adorning its decor, and where they told me I wasn't allowed to eat. Or if I must, then it would be in the restuarant - on my own. While my friends chowed down on their steaks, next to me... Hmmm...

ANYWAY; this is not about a vendetta (not least because it is actually a great place; plus they have bargainous half-price deals on many things)- this is about loos:






Mm hmm. I like 'em. I like the weird long washbasins. I like the black and white tiles (see 'O'Neils' ... ) - I like various other unique touches (see Decor) BUT I have to admit; there was just something lacking. This is where that indefinable je ne sais quoi; that elusive 'ambience' comes in. And it didn't have as much as I thought it might. I can't quite put my finger on why. Perhaps it was the lighting - it was a bit cold and harsh. Team that with black and white and purple and you get quite dark colours. I dunno ... Tis a mystery ..

Decor: 7/10
As mentioned - yay tiles. Boo too much purple? Nice washbasin fittings and ooh - gadgets. I'm not an enormous techie geek, but I love it when people apply a bit of inventiveness to a toilet. In this case; clever little strip of 1 way glass so the laydeez can see into the club from the loos. Like it!:



Also, the rather fabulous red-lipped ladies make a subtle appearance in each cubicle:



(Err yeah, accompanied by myself, in this instance. Couldn't help it - it was a mirror. I am far more sensibly clad however, I hasten to point out..)

Cleanliness: 8/10
Don't remember there being any problems. Don't remember being able to see my reflection in the work surfaces either, but hey ho; I'm a tough woman to please ..

Ambience: 5/10
Weirdly lacking. Puzzling, cos lots of the right things in place, but for some reason just felt cold (I'm not talking temperatures here) and a bit ... plluuueeerggh. Those of you who mostly communicate in sound effects - like myself- will know what I mean.

Lighting: 5/10
OK, so perhaps herein lies the problem. It felt cold, it felt a bit harsh - although not bright; if anything verging on too dingy. Perhaps just too white. Or grey. Not warm and soft and comforting anyway. This bothers me.

Stay & Play?: 8/10
Y'see, despite the total lack of atmosphere, the fact that it's down a darkened subterranean corridor (with more monochrome tiled joy - yay!):



and into the bowels of the place makes it an ideal hidey hole for escape for a good gossip and/or re-application. PLUS the 1 way mirror - ideal for actually being able to actually point and laugh. Talk about being able to take a step out and objectify!

Recommendations:
Hmmm ... This is a tricky one. I love the little unique twists in here - the well thought out touches. Perhaps it's too thought out though - all head and no heart. It's odd. Just not enough warmth or atmosphere; and I can't quite put my finger on why ...